A Slacker Guide to Leiden Living

You probably know the myth of how Lonely Planet was made. Two dudes were travelling and realised a way they could avoid getting a proper job. (I say the word 'myth' because it was probably all made up by a guy with James' glasses in a backroom of an advertising agency in Hoxton or Orlando).

Well I am pretty well qualified to do a similar thing. How to live or just spend a few days in Leiden. This isn't for people who are into spending money on useless things like cars and clothes, or for people who think a good night out consists of standing in a darkened room with loud, crappy music and trying to look cool, but failing miserably.

It is for those who like hanging out, taking it easy and most importantly adventure. Of course, if you are actually adventurous you don't need a guide, but I see this more as something to do while I go through the Neil Young discography I downloaded yesterday. I'm on 'Cowgirl' by the way... 

Chapter 1

Amsterdam

If you have not been to Leiden, you will fall into three categories.  

1. You are Dutch and should know better.

2. You are foreign and ignorant. You are aware of Amsterdam, some of its history, the fact New York was called New Amsterdam, there is a place called Harlem in Holland, you can smoke weed, there are canals and it is cool. I don't dispute any of these facts, but I am too lazy to do the big city too often.

3. You are educated, maybe interested in Dutch 'culture' or the ICC (International Court of Cunts not International Cricket Council) and therefore know that a lot of hot shit goes down in the Hague. You might extrapolate that Leiden is essentially a posh suburb of the Hague in Yank terms, or might know that the former 'man' of NATO went to Leiden Uni. Maybe you lived in Oxford and know Leiden is twinned with it or that Einstein hung out here. 

Overall though, tourists, travellers and 'alternative TM' people just see Leiden as a smaller version of the big city. As my hombre Lord Round argues, this is true but it's better. It's like the Dam but no shit, fewer cunts, fewer tourists, fewer drug shops and more community.

I propose you get to Schiphol (great airport) and go to Leiden.

If you need to do Amsterdam, there is of course a list of things to do.

1. Near the Heineken Museum, on most tramlines down the big canal there is an area with a few rad guitar shops. The most Radstock is called de plug www.deplug.nl

The dude in there is fuckin' a. Some old guitars, he gets you a beer, sounds like a cockney, ask him to play a song and he'll play you something he wrote which sounds a bit like Village Green-era Kinks. Sacksioni over the road is less rad but still good. 3 of the 5 times I have been to Amsterdam have been guitar shopping and the other times were very forgettable.

2. According to Lena, Grant and Stephanie the Jordan area is cool. There are lots of alternative clothes shops and good Thai restaurants. Well, Leiden has 4 Zeemans and Thai food is for gays. I haven't found it yet though so I'll reserve my final judgement till I do but I imagine it will be crap in the way that the crap bits of London like Camden are.

3. The Paradiso- great venue of rock (and other stuff reportedly) I saw the Jesus Lizard here. They rocked. David Yow is a rock god and the guitarist is an accountant. Fuckin' a. I had never even hear them before but luckily my friends are great. Pavement is sold out for May which sucks. You can get tickets in the Free Record Store in Leiden for everything good in the Dam.

4. The Melkweg- we'll probably go see The Brian Jonestown Massacre here. I am also going tonight for a fantabulously overpriced night of a guy playing records I most likely won't enjoy but a great chick I know invited us to drink at hers before. Maybe I can sneak Vieux (cheap Dutch brandy-see later posts) in with me. There will probably be lots of wailers there but as Brenno said there are probably more babes in the law library in Leiden. 

5. um, have a wank in the cubicle of a peepshow like Kenny. 

So thus finishes Chapter een. Chapter Twee Spieghels will start on my first impressions of Leiden and the great things and people I discovered in my early days here. You'll find info on cheap drinks, floor crashing, getting a crap job, squat venues, getting a bike, hanging out and the rock, obviously. 

As ACDC didn't say I'm back in Slack, got a pain in my crack, would have a heart attack, i'm crap in the sack etc.