Chapter Twee Spieghels
People who haven't been to Leiden find it weird how I ended up here. I literally hadn't heard of the place till I decided to come. I didn't know anything about the place. But when I got here the general reaction was 'Oh cool, great idea'. The thing I have realised after six months is there are loads of people who just ended up here. It's a bit like purgatory. Or the Road. except better and less effort.
An example of a guy who ended up here is a Geordie who liked PSV and had Dutch blood. Now he lives in Leiden with a family. Another guy came for a wasted weekend in Amsterdam post-divorce and has been here for 14 years and plays in a cool band. I met a guy from Stoke the other day who delivers posters for cultural stuff who came on holiday when he was 16 and is still here. That was the 70s by the way.
You might think its because people like smoking weed or whatever and then stay here because of that. I was kind of worried my first night here when I met an old stoner from england who lived in his friend's box room and had lost it a bit. But luckily Leiden is actually just a magic oasis of calm, near enough the real world for those who care and far enough away for those who don't. And the best thing is people are liberal in the proper way. Do what the fuck you want as long as you don't bother me. Are you listening England?
That might be a bit harsh, maybe I'll delete that...
Ok so a list of things to do when you arrive.
1. Station- the station is probably where you'll end up. It is quite crap like all stations so it might be better to come in on a bike. I came in the first time on a bike from the beach in Noordwijk. You'll quickly discover the Beestenmarkt and Haarlemmerstraat. If in the summer leave the waterfront seats to the tourists and get Patat met fritesaus from Multi Snacks on Haarlemmerstraat. Maybe throw in a kroket too (a kroket is fried grey shit and tastes great)
Once you've spent some time in Leiden you might want to try a Mc Kroket from Mcdonalds but stick to the indie stores for now. Pannenkoeken taste good but are a rip-off.
2. Hang out in the middle of the Beestenmarkt. I unfortunately met a boring Italian who ruined my cigarette by telling me about how much sex he has with his Dutch fuck buddy. What a twat. But the statue in the middle looks like a dildo so that's cool.
3. You need somewhere to sleep? Travelling types go squatting but it appears like a massive effort. TNT did couchsurfing with a legendary Leiden Man called Tommy Quist. He is great. Even if he himself is travelling, usually hitchhiking East or to Scandinavia, he'll let you crash his house for as long as you want. He has a great computer and will plug you in to some local shit. Mostly pindakaas-based. Believe what he has to say about hot Dutch female students. I didn't.
4. Need a job? Every slacker needs a job. On the second day we went and got a job at a Greek restaurant on the waterfront of Beestenmarkt. In the summer it's pretty easy to get a waiting job. They hated me so I worked in the kitchen- or maybe it was because I burnt a businessman's cock by pouring coffee on his crotch on my first shift. I won't mention the name of the establishment because it isn't totally legal labour... Once you're settled there are much better slacker jobs but especially in the summer you can carry dishes over a busy road to a boat for less than the minimum wage. What is there not to like?
5. Need beer? At first we got 1 euro beer from some dodgy Turkish place. Don't bother with the North End English pub apart from for sport by the way. It is whack. I wish someone had given me the following advice. GO TO ALBERT HEIJN (supermarket at end of Haarlemmerstraat) GET EUROSHOPPER BIER for 40 CENTS. This is generally acknowledged to be the best cheap brand but Ikea beer from Super De Boer is also fine. A later chapter will be dedicated to a cheap beer taste-off.
6. Need food? Met fritesaus 29 cents from all good retailers. or pindakaas, banana and marge sandwiches. check lord round's blog. also albert heijn does a good range of free cheese.
7. Need fags? If you have the money and are one of the beautiful people get Gauloises Red. They're better and cheaper than American brands. Of course, get shag most of the time. I'm on 'Words' off Harvest by the way now. I'm trying to decide whether to listen to all of Journey Through the Past. The first song is rad but afterwards I might just skip to On the Beach.
8. Need coffee? Don't pay. Every Albert Heijn has free coffee. TNT depot has coffee for 10 cents and free in winter. Hoogvliet has free coffee but sucks as a shop. The winner is Het Warenhuis though. It's a furniture store where the workers are actually certified retards. It's in a kind of industrial shithole estate but really near the centre. If you don't fancy coffee, you can get hot chocolate and then hang out on a sofa or a bed if you like. You'll need a bike though to get there.
9. Never fear- Carlos the Bike Thief is here. He will sell you a bike that he got in Haarlem supposedly for 10 euro. You can even push him to 5. He will probably steal it back off you but then you can ring him up and buy the same one again. I see it more as renting. Compared to renting a bike for one day from the station for 7.50 the bike thief is much better. Get a lock tho. Tom still has his original Carlos produce. Mine was stolen but I hadn't locked it so that's what happens. Oh god, gotta change to On the Beach. 'sooner or later it all gets real. walk on' oh yeah fuck the man. And that's what Carlos does.
10. Need a night out? Go to Sub 071 on a Tuesday. it's cheap, you can get some dumpster-based very tasty veggie food from the restaurant and it's right next to the station- which you know. Getting in can be hard. It's opposite ING on Schuttersveld and is basically a massive skyscraper next to the jobshop which is a bit run-down. It's a squat where people live and it's difficult to get in but hey just hang out for a bit and you will. Once there, say hi to Marcel, maybe Graham too and listen to rock in a room. There are even babes sometimes at rock shows here which leads me to my last piece of advice on arriving here.
11. You thought there would be 10. But above 10 there is off the dial. This is represented as 11. I'm talking about the babes. I've been to the US, Russia, London, I've seen the queen in her darned undies, all those places have babes but Leiden is the best. The typical is an 8 with long legs, blonde hair, that kind of snootiness that gets you going and then there's the elevens. I work on Haarlemmerstraat every day and see an 11 most days. Jdog says the law library is where it's at. When arriving here just take a while to hang out and watch, especially when on their bikes. If you think I'm being sexist, I'm not. Girls can also admire natural beauty. Embrace your inner lesbian!
Welkom in Leiden!
Still to come: where to 'buy' clothes and bric-a-brac, sunday night furniture 'sale', finding a place to live, more rock venues, where to find the LRC, good bars, bad bars, minerva and how to tell a duck's arse, more babe-watching venues, hof tours, coffee shops, print shops, exercise and the best slacker job in the world.
