All time slacker XI

Some musos aren't into sports. Well that sucks for you. Losers.

Here's my all-time slacker XI. Of course a real football team needs players who can run, tackle and generally be a bit anal. But we're not going to bother with too much of that. Anyway, is Gary Neville really a player we'll remember when we die. Hint: No

My formation is 4-4-2 I mean that's easy.

Goalkeeper:
Kind of hard finding a slacker goalie. Either this or full back is the most loserish position but the ones who take penalties like Rogerio Ceni and Hans Jorg Butt are pretty legendary. http://www.soccer-weblog.com/50226711/why_goalkeepers_shouldnt_take_penalties.php

Jose Luis Chilavert would also make the bench because of the name, the face and the free kicks.

However my man is Rene Higuita. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1mbrXnXB4js

Defenders: The problem here is that it's quite difficult to be a slacker and a defender but some have managed it with varying success. Paul Mc Grath partners Phillipe Albert in central defence.

Paul tackles and stuff but looks cool and went on a bender paid for by Man U when Fergie was the manager- way to go.
Phillipe Albert is the best thing to come out of Belgium. Great chip against Man U + zero effort at defending.

Left back is Taribo West- great name, great hair, great on Champ Man, shit in real life- all great qualities.

Right back is Gary Doherty 'The ginger pele'. My mate Dave and my favourite 'defender' of all time. Played for Spurs. Scored a bunch of own goals. Sometimes hung out up front. Proved you can look like a gimp and still be cool. Influenced Weezer and Radiohead. Technically a centre back but this guy can play anywhere.

Defence coach: Kevin Keegan

Midfield:

Defensive mid: Andrea Pirlo might be a little too good for my liking but for a supposedly holding midfielder all he actually does is pass and score free kicks. He has great Italian hair but is otherwise ugly which makes all other nationaities feel better. He probably has a hot wife though.

Midfield Central: Aljosa Asanovic Derby! This guy seldom ran but made up with some cool passing and left foot stuff. A bit like Chris Waddle but foreign and therefore better.

Right Wing: Andrei Arshavin actually plays better in the hole or central mid especially for Russia and when he was younger but I prefer the new Arsenal Andrei. He just stands around and waits to score great goals. He also only really tries at Anfield which is great.

Left Wing: 'Vodka' Vic Kasule It's in the name. You always need a journeyman and VIc was no diferent but his best days were at Albion Rovers in Sunny Scotland, although I bet he did OK in Malta. 'He is often described as extravagantly gifted but ludicrously ill-disciplined.' i.e. better than ronaldo.

Subs: Gazza obviously, Roy keane just for a joke (at his expense).

Forwards: Berbatov and Yeboah. On the bench, Marco Negri and Kanu- game changing.
Yeboah because you can tell he aimed for the underside of the crossbar and was only good at scoring amazing goals. He just whacked it basically. Berbatov is a given- all-time hero. Negri just hung out and scored and looked cool and Kanu would be in if it wasn't for Berba- what a laugh that he scored the winner in the Cup Final!

Forward Coach: Eric Cantona- too good to actually play but a good Beach Football Coach just teach Joga Bonita or whatever.

Manager: Ossie Ardiles Great Player, even better manager.